Walk to Defeat ALS 2009

Our 2009 Walk Team - Richmond PD's finest

Before the walk

We were so lucky to have a HUGE amount of support from our family and friends for this years walk. My Sergeant bought t-shirts for our team and several of my fellow officers joined in the fight against ALS. The rain didn't dampen our spirit and we had a great time. We look forward to bringing Aislyn next year!! Mommy looked beautiful and had a great time. We remain thankful for everyday that Michelle remains healthy. She's kicking ALS's ass!

Baby pics

baby Aislyn Paige
Due: December 12, 2009

Our big yawning baby girl!

Looking up! She has her mama's fat cheeks!

Tiny hands...so incredible

Sleepy baby girl

We were so excited to have the 3-D and 4-D ultrasound. It was incredible to watch her move around, open and close her eyes, and yawn. Our favorite part was her repeatedly trying to stick her foot into her mouth. She kept opening her mouth and trying to suck on her foot, but she couldn't figure out how to get it in there! It was cute! I can't wait to meet her in person!!

Nursery and other Updates

I'm so far behind in updating! Yikes! It has been a VERY busy 5 months! Michelle and I found out 3 months ago that we are expecting a little girl. We've chosen the name Aislyn Paige. In Gaelic, Aislyn in a derevetive of Aishling, meaning "dream." Since our little girl is our dream come true, it was only appropriate. Her middle name, Paige, is after my sister, Wendy Paige, who died in 1996. We can only hope she'll carry a little bit of her fiery spirit!

We have completed the nursery. While I originally had my heart set on the John Lennon nursery collection, Michelle and I compromised on a beautiful jungle print. I hated the brown jungle nursery sets but we were lucky enough to find one that has various pinks, purples, yellows and blues. The picture above is when we first started working on it. I need to take some updated pics because it has really come together beautifully.

Michelle is doing VERY well. Other than some mild effects on breathing (not enough to warrant a bi-pap) and some stress on her legs, causing a great deal of leg weakness, she is hanging in. Our visit to the ALS Clinic was positive and everyone was happy to see how well she was doing. Its always a bit of a guessing game with the pregnancy because there are VERY few women of child bearing age that have ALS.

We are busy preparing for Aislyn's arrival and getting ready for the annual Walk to Defeat ALS. We are so excited to have many folks from my police department joining us in the walk. Check out the link to our page (above) and join us or make a donation! Every penny goes towards finding a cure for this progressive, fatal disease.

11 weeks

11 weeks

Michelle hit 11 weeks yesterday. Amazingly, she awoke the day before with a beautiful new baby bump. She now rests her arms on it and I find her cuddling it (or protecting it). Too cute!

New pics

Words for a tough day.

I draft this writing,
Millions of thoughts pouring out
Onto blank pages
To be Edited over and over again.
How do I accept the unacceptable?
How do I face your death as reality and
The end of our love as imminent?
I work feverishly to push it away…
This idea of someday
When today is slowing slipping away.
How do I preserve every moment
To relive our love for one another in pictures, film, and love notes scratched onto scrap pieces of paper?
How do I convince myself that somehow today will be enough?

Having a tough ALS day.

I'm not sure why. I just am. I had to talk about it today when I off-handedly mentioned Michelle getting fitted for braces. And then had to explain why. And then had to explain what it meant. And then I cried on the way home. I know we're doing fine. She's so strong that nothing seems to slow her down. She gets tired and frustrated, but she keeps going. I think being at the doctor yesterday made me have to acknowledge, again, that it is there. There are days where it is really real and other days its just sort of in the background. It makes me sad when I let myself think about it...the shitty parts of it. The reality that there will be a day one day when she won't be here...

I'm not lying when I say I have no idea how to live without Michelle. I can't remember life before she was apart of it. Her friendship early one was something that kept me motivated and mellow at work. Tough cases and clients were balanced out by her twisted since of humor and her sweetness. As a partner, she has balanced me, challenged me to be a better person, and held me when days were bad. I'm not sure how it happened, but when I fell in love with Michelle, I fell hard. I'm so unbelievably smitten with her. Looking at her makes me smile. Touching her soft skin makes me feel at peace. Watching her belly grow as our baby grows makes me feel incredibly proud and incredibly lucky.

I don't want to think about those days. And, for the most part, I try to live in the moment. But today, for some reason, its hitting a little closer to home. God gave me an amazing gift when he brought Michelle into my life. I know that there is a greater plan and purpose...but, selfishly, I also know that I don't want to know what it is like to live a moment without her. Hopefully Syd's stem cells will open up a world of possibility one day. Treatment, a cure, who knows? Sorry for the sob fest. Just needed to get it out. I love you pumpkin butt.