Baby pics

baby Aislyn Paige
Due: December 12, 2009

Our big yawning baby girl!

Looking up! She has her mama's fat cheeks!

Tiny hands...so incredible

Sleepy baby girl

We were so excited to have the 3-D and 4-D ultrasound. It was incredible to watch her move around, open and close her eyes, and yawn. Our favorite part was her repeatedly trying to stick her foot into her mouth. She kept opening her mouth and trying to suck on her foot, but she couldn't figure out how to get it in there! It was cute! I can't wait to meet her in person!!

Nursery and other Updates

I'm so far behind in updating! Yikes! It has been a VERY busy 5 months! Michelle and I found out 3 months ago that we are expecting a little girl. We've chosen the name Aislyn Paige. In Gaelic, Aislyn in a derevetive of Aishling, meaning "dream." Since our little girl is our dream come true, it was only appropriate. Her middle name, Paige, is after my sister, Wendy Paige, who died in 1996. We can only hope she'll carry a little bit of her fiery spirit!

We have completed the nursery. While I originally had my heart set on the John Lennon nursery collection, Michelle and I compromised on a beautiful jungle print. I hated the brown jungle nursery sets but we were lucky enough to find one that has various pinks, purples, yellows and blues. The picture above is when we first started working on it. I need to take some updated pics because it has really come together beautifully.

Michelle is doing VERY well. Other than some mild effects on breathing (not enough to warrant a bi-pap) and some stress on her legs, causing a great deal of leg weakness, she is hanging in. Our visit to the ALS Clinic was positive and everyone was happy to see how well she was doing. Its always a bit of a guessing game with the pregnancy because there are VERY few women of child bearing age that have ALS.

We are busy preparing for Aislyn's arrival and getting ready for the annual Walk to Defeat ALS. We are so excited to have many folks from my police department joining us in the walk. Check out the link to our page (above) and join us or make a donation! Every penny goes towards finding a cure for this progressive, fatal disease.

11 weeks

11 weeks

Michelle hit 11 weeks yesterday. Amazingly, she awoke the day before with a beautiful new baby bump. She now rests her arms on it and I find her cuddling it (or protecting it). Too cute!

New pics

Words for a tough day.

I draft this writing,
Millions of thoughts pouring out
Onto blank pages
To be Edited over and over again.
How do I accept the unacceptable?
How do I face your death as reality and
The end of our love as imminent?
I work feverishly to push it away…
This idea of someday
When today is slowing slipping away.
How do I preserve every moment
To relive our love for one another in pictures, film, and love notes scratched onto scrap pieces of paper?
How do I convince myself that somehow today will be enough?

Having a tough ALS day.

I'm not sure why. I just am. I had to talk about it today when I off-handedly mentioned Michelle getting fitted for braces. And then had to explain why. And then had to explain what it meant. And then I cried on the way home. I know we're doing fine. She's so strong that nothing seems to slow her down. She gets tired and frustrated, but she keeps going. I think being at the doctor yesterday made me have to acknowledge, again, that it is there. There are days where it is really real and other days its just sort of in the background. It makes me sad when I let myself think about it...the shitty parts of it. The reality that there will be a day one day when she won't be here...

I'm not lying when I say I have no idea how to live without Michelle. I can't remember life before she was apart of it. Her friendship early one was something that kept me motivated and mellow at work. Tough cases and clients were balanced out by her twisted since of humor and her sweetness. As a partner, she has balanced me, challenged me to be a better person, and held me when days were bad. I'm not sure how it happened, but when I fell in love with Michelle, I fell hard. I'm so unbelievably smitten with her. Looking at her makes me smile. Touching her soft skin makes me feel at peace. Watching her belly grow as our baby grows makes me feel incredibly proud and incredibly lucky.

I don't want to think about those days. And, for the most part, I try to live in the moment. But today, for some reason, its hitting a little closer to home. God gave me an amazing gift when he brought Michelle into my life. I know that there is a greater plan and purpose...but, selfishly, I also know that I don't want to know what it is like to live a moment without her. Hopefully Syd's stem cells will open up a world of possibility one day. Treatment, a cure, who knows? Sorry for the sob fest. Just needed to get it out. I love you pumpkin butt.

A long day!

Michelle and I had a long day of doctors appointments. We went to Powell Orthotics first thing this morning for Michelle to do her casting for AFO. She'll have her brace in 2 weeks. We were surprised to find out that they couldn't make them in anything other than the ugly white plastic crap. We decided that when we picked up her brace, we would take it to Salvation Tattoo for a makeover. Hopefully involving a custom piece that will make her proud to where her brace (and compliant with it, too). =)

After our appointment at Powell, we had back to back doctors appointments at MCV with our OBs. We met with Dr. Peng and had another ultrasound today. It was incredible. We were able to see our baby's heart beat for the first time and it made me cry. There is something surreal about seeing this living thing that you've created. So wonderful and overwhelming. Dr. Peng was very optimistic about Michelle's pregnancy and delivery. He stated that even if she was paralyzed by the time she delivered (which there is no way in hell she will be), she would still be able to have a vaginal birth. He said that the body can work around ALS without a problem. This was a relief for both of us.



We also met with our regular OB, Dr. Isaacs. She is so full of happiness! She did the routine blood work, exam, etc and met with Dr. Peng to figure out where we stood with the pregnancy. It looks like everything is going super well. We'll go back in 4 weeks for another appointment and ultrasound. It is wonderfully exciting to get to watch our baby grow in pictures.

If this is less than articulate, it is because I've only slept 4 hours in the past day or so. I'm exhausted and am heading to bed in just a few.

But before I go, I have to say thank you to Jason. He put together an amazing video/photo show of Michelle and I's wedding as a gift. It meant so much to us both and will allow us to continue to relive our amazing day over and over again. Jason, Tammy & Rae have been God sent. I'm not sure what else you could call it. We're just thankful. If you need a photographer please check Jay out (www.jasonkeefer.com).